Competing in a bikini competition was the BEST and WORST experience of my life. Mostly it was the BEST experience of my life but I had no idea the long term effect it would have on me. There are a lot of things people don’t tell you about competing and the side effects of competing. I’m not writing this blog to discuss the gross tan, the hangry fits, peeing in a cup, or bloat post-show binge. I’m talking more long term mental damage shows can do to you.
Binge Eating
Been there, done that. Post-show I’ll eat anything and everything. One or two cheat meals is fine after a show but I’m talking full-on eating whatever and having no self-control for weeks on end. I’ve been there. I’ve looked down and realized I ate the entire box of cereal, a bag of chips, or whatever it was. I’ve been ashamed of what I’ve eaten and I’ve felt really bad afterward. It causes me to bloat, severe stomach cramps, and I gain weight REALLY fast. I’ve had my moments even during prep where I felt like this. Going from a super strict nutritional plan to eating whatever you want is NOT good for your long term health.
That’s why I ‘m now working on a more sustainable nutritional plan that will allow me to feel satisfied with my foods, cravings, and give me some flexibility because life is all about balance right?. It might take me longer to get stage lean but I know long term it’ll help me to avoid those crazy binges post-show.
Just one taste of sugar and I feel like I crave it even more. Sugar is so addicting and it’s frustrating to feel like you are back to square one with cravings. I work so hard to eliminate sugar and sugar cravings and one slip up it’s like it all falls apart.
I recently had a situation at work where a co-worker offered me cake. I had been working for almost 10 hours, I was tired, I was hungry and I wanted cake. So what, a little piece of cake would be fine right?!. I ate 1/2 of the WORLDS SMALLEST piece of cake with the worlds most amount of GUILT. Fine, whatever, I’m eating cake and that’s that. I don’t regret anything because it was MY choice. Until another co-worker comes in and sees me eating cake. She raised her eyebrows and I could tell she wanted to say something to me but I just kept talking to not let her. She was SHOCKED I was eating cake. I’ve had issues with this coworker in the past with comments, looks, etc. with my food on good and bad days so I tried to not take it personally but it’s tough. The expectations people have of you and trying to live up to those expectations isn’t easy.
Body Dysmorphia
We all have some sort of body dysmorphia at some point in our life or most of our life. There is no secret this happens. After a competition you are in the best shape of your life, then what happens? Maybe you gain a little weight, or you get burnt out and you go to the gym a little less often to take a break. You let loose, enjoy life, and not worry about prep, and those abs just disappear. The toll this can take on your body is a big one. Feeling anxious to go out in public because you aren’t as fit, feeling ashamed of your body, not wanting to post on social media because you gained some weight back, check, check, and check.
I’m literally in the best shape of my life when it comes to strength, endurance, and overall fitness level. I do not have my stage lean six-pack and let me tell you, it’s hard. It’s hard to know that what you bring to the stage may not be the most sustainable physique because you can’t do two-a-days at the gym for the rest of your life. My challenge is loving my body in all stages of competition/no competition and appreciating what my body can do rather than focus on what it’s not doing. Body dysmorphia has been described as less about the appearance of your body but the anxiety about it.
Truthfully, what I’m dealing with right now in this stage of my fitness journey are the expectations I THINK people have of me to be fit. Social media doesn’t help! People have seen me go through some major transformations that I’ve worked my butt off for. The feeling that people expect me to be stage lean like that year-round is what stresses me out.
Recently I had a beach day with all of my friends and I was dreading being in a bikini because I’ve just enjoyed the last 2 months (pre and post-birthday) worry-free from a show date. I am literally the strongest I’ve ever been and I’ve shaved off 4 minutes from my 6-mile run in just 1.5 months what did I have to be ashamed of? I bench 140 lbs…That’s pretty darn strong! Back to the beach day, I showed up in the most comfortable bikini I had to wear (because the one piece I purchased made me look like a stuffed sausage). Did anyone care I didn’t have abs, NOPE. Did I care, YES! When people asked me when my next show will be it was tough (internally I just was ashamed) because I’m not even close to where I want to be physically or even mentally I suppose.
Ashamed. Bloated. Frustrated.
Three words that sum up my feelings after over 6 months from competing in my last show. So for now, I’m focusing on loving myself in all stages of the competition. I’m trying to live my best life without stressing about my next show, that six-pack, or what I’m going to eat because that’s not living. Life happens and if you don’t stop to enjoy it once in a while you’ll miss it altogether.
Bikini Competitor Tips:
Appreciate your body for what it CAN do
Live your life (in moderation)
Create a fitness plan that will be sustainable and make YOU happy
Love yourself first before deciding to compete
Realize this is a natural process and you are NOT alone
Worry about what you can control (what choices you make, how your body feels, etc.)
Live, Laugh, Love, and Lift 